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  • Writer's pictureEleanor Toph

Finding The Path

I have found myself on a lifelong spiritual journey, seeking my life purpose and true faith. The continual disappointments when a religion or belief turned out to be wrong for me drove me off the path more times than I can recall. I always felt drawn towards Paganism or Wicca, but the woo-woo feel of the members I met along the way acted as a deterrent. I’m someone who you may describe as either highly-sensitive, or empathetic. I can be instantly turned off of someone if I get an inkling they are fake, which the majority of ‘wiccans’ I had met early in life, gave me that faker feeling. From those encounters, I had always just assumed that Wicca and Paganism were just silly religious groups, full of people who needed a spiritual group but never really fit in anywhere. They would wear the look, and say the things, and to me, always felt very fake, so I avoided the whole religion since my first encounter with it when I was 11. I’ve tried different denominations of Christinaity, and met so many good people, but I also met a lot of fake people, and had a couple of encounters with what I can only describe as evil people. So I left Christinaity behind, though would often find myself reaching out to the Lord and speaking with him in my own terms. I would pray in solitude, and could oftentimes feel his touch and energy when I meditated. I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, and that I was certainly feeling Him, but after meditation and prayer sessions, I would always walk away feeling loved and hopeful. But life would get busy, and I started neglecting my mental health and spirituality. I went to a very dark place, and was so full of negativity that I required medical intervention to pull me out of a 5-year stint of Major Depression which almost killed me. While western medicine saved my life, and restored a healthy balance of serotonin, I still felt as though I needed ‘something’ before I could be whole again. And thus, my current spiritual journey. Over the last year, my meditations and prayers have opened me up again. I started feeling ‘other’ auras while in meditation, and started to wonder if there are more spiritual beings out there that guide us on our life-paths. This kind of thinking, and researching, lead me to Paganism. I’m a reader, so I grabbed a couple of books, the most enlightening one being “Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions” by Joyce & River Higginbotham. It is a great read for anyone that may find themselves questioning spirituality, and feel drawn to the Earth and nature in general. I always felt as though I could be instantly recharged when taking a walk through a forest, and can feel the energy of nature flow into me when spending time outdoors. It’s not an uncommon feeling from my understanding, which makes me question if all humans were meant to be drawn to the woods for our spiritual enlightenment. Since reading the Paganism introduction book, I’ve been reading Green Witch books, and learning new ways to meditate and connect with the Earth. I’ve been adding in crystals and rocks during my meditations, channeling my energy into them, so I can recover that energy when needed. I’m exploring more with herbalism, and plant harvesting - I typically have a brown thumb, but part of my spiritual growth centers around creating life all around me. I’m still learning what plants need, and learning how to grow and help them thrive. When having a meander in my local metaphysical supply shop, after finding some crystals and candles that ‘felt right’, I stopped in front of the Tarot section. I don’t know why, but one deck was calling out to me so I went ahead and purchased it as well. Tonight will be a full moon, so I plan on using the moonlight to cleanse all of my new crystals and the Tarot deck I purchased. I see some posts on forums of Witches+ who plan on collecting and harvesting moon water, it’s not something I have researched enough to understand the properties and how it can help in my journey, but there are going to be two full moons this month, so after researching more on the topic, maybe I’ll grab some of my own later this month. I’m pretty excited about this path I’m on, and currently identifying as an Earth Witch, or Green Witch depending on who you talk to. I’m still very new, but I finally feel as though I’m on the correct path, rather than forcing one that sometimes feels right, but sometimes doesn't. The lack of ‘rules’ in this religion really suits me - as a direct opposition to Christianity that has so many rules that no matter what you were doing, you were probably wrong in some way (doubly so if you’re a woman, haha). I hope to meet some other new witches, as well as some seasoned ones that I can learn more from. But, in the time of COVID19, it can be pretty difficult getting out and meeting new people. So for now, I’ll practice in solitary, read as much as I can, and dig deep into the Earth and find my spiritual guides.

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